Don’t Come Back Insomnia

Hi guys! Welcome to my blog.

Today I wanted to talk about things not so happy or nice. I’m talking about mental health problems and insomnia. I unfortunately have experience on both of those and had a feeling that these things should be shared.

Okay where should I start? Basically, I’ve had mental health problems on and off since 2012. That time I was only 17 years old and it was very scary time for me and my family. Actually the whole spring of 2012 was a total disaster. I mean hospital-disaster. I don’t want to go any detailed than that because the whole mental illness thing just sucks.

Here’s my flowers which I had in the hospital. Flowers always cheer me up.

Altogether I’ve had high moments and then lowest low moments. After 2012 I managed to be 4 whole years without any symptoms. Now I think that was because of medication and long-term therapy. Then again in 2016, as the final exams were going on in my lukio education, things fell apart again. I think these breakdowns have something to do with high stress and big life events.

Here’s part of my lunch in the final exams, motivation candy😄

One morning it was a breathtakingly beautiful sunrise in our old neighborhood, back in 2015.

I don’t want to depress you with detailed information of what disease I exactly have. And the things that caused all of this. Maybe I leave those for another time. Now I just want to speak out and be like “hey, I am not so strong that I might appear on the outside!”.

With symptoms on and off over the years, this past year of 2018-2019 has been mentally very rough. I have had multiple breakdowns and have had to go on sick leave many times. I hate being on sick leave because of this. Of course when I need to rest, I really do need to rest because it’s the only thing that cures the illness.

The thing is, my disease doesn’t show outside very clearly. I feel that I’m cheating on my workplace when I’m on a sick leave. Obviously I am not, it’s just all in my head. The self-judgement is the hardest thing for me, and as work-motivated as I am, it’s very hard to be merciful towards myself.

And because I love my workplace at TBWA\Helsinki so much, it’s very frustrating to be away long times😕

One of my happy memories: I made a cake for Teo when he was done with military service back in 2015.

I have been coping with insomnia every now and then and it sure is linked to stress and me being overly excited about something. For me, insomnia affects my daily life very hard and it’s very difficult to try to get sleep. Fortunately I am familiar with tiring and sleep medication and they are sure helping me during hard times.

Maybe the worst thing about me being sick is the fact that it affects hard on Teo too. It must be a common nightmare to see your loved one acting as a stranger (pointing me on this) and you cannot see he or she as your soulmate anymore. Of course I always do come back from the miserable state, but it takes a few days and they are a lot to take on.

Flowers, again! This time from our current neighborhood.

Anyways, besides all the struggling with mental health problems, things with me are fine. As I said I love my job as a graphic designer, and I’m happy with my life now with Teo, friends, our home and family. And our cats of course!

Suffeli as a cat burrito😊

Emil scratching his favorite chair😄

Hopefully this opening up didn’t depress you too much because that is definitely not my intention. I just want to finally tell about my mental health problems a bit more openly, as I have not spoken of this in any way in my blog. If you found this relatable or empowering, even better! We are all in the same boat after all 🙂

I hope you will have nice weekend ahead of you and thank you so much for reading! As always, feel free to leave a comment if you like. See you next time and take care❤️

XO,

Salla

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